Scene 1 [15 secs]
Soundtrack: throughout scene 1 is the sound of a heart beat that gradually speeds up towards the climax of the scene.

Man in orange jump suit in prison cell. Pictures on the wall of what are obviously his family- mother, father, sisters, brothers, wife, kids. He is black, but not molasses black. Sort of Goldie the drum and bass man kinda black. Footsteps approach. There's a jangling of keys, the sound of a lock turning. The barred door swings open. It's like to scene from the Sean Penn movie 'Dead Man Walking'. In fact this opening sequence could almost be a rip-off of the film. He rises (sound of bunk springs)...

Scene 1.1
We see the condemned man group (2 guards either side, 1 guard behind flanked by the prison chaplain) heading off down the corridor (barred cells to one side, you know the kind of thing). The prisoner is wearing shackles around his ankles linked to his handcuffs by a chain. He shuffles along.

'Dead man walking' cries out a voice.

Scene 1.2
Condemned man group enters the execution chamber (it's the electric chair). We notice that the guards and chaplain all have the same face as the condemned man.

Scene 1.3
Condemned man is strapped into the execution chair. As the guards step back the blinds go up. In the small room beside the execution chamber where the relatives of victims of crime can sit and watch the killer of their loved one(s) die, is his family (we've seen their photos on the wall earlier). He looks up with lifeless eyes as the blinds go up. His family see who is strapped to the chair with horror, and get up as one to smash down the glass windows...

'What are you doing?' his mother cries.

They rush to the prisoner (bumping the prison guards off screen) and free his straps, remove the metal hat, etc.

'I'm HIV positive mum. It's a death sentence.'

[Up until this point the light has been ambient. There are no windows in the execution chamber, and any light from outside has been wan up to this point.

Scene 2 [10 secs]
'No it's not. It's just something we're all going to have to learn to live with... oh my baby...' she takes him in her arms. The other members of the family nod in a sage and loving fashion, some patting his shoulder, etc. Two members of the family exchange looks of sincere love for their brother.

[The execution chamber and prison collapse around them, being replaced by green fields, flowers, blue sky and bright sunshine. The chirping of cute birds can be heard]

'She's right you know' an Irish-sounding voice calls out. 'It could be worse'.

The camera pans to a old black man, wearing dark glasses and carrying a white stick to tell the world he is blind. He also wears a T-shirt that reads 'R U Catholic 2?'.

...'You could be black. And old'.

[Although we are still in the sunny jehova's witness fantasy world, the birds fall silent as the old man utters these words]

Cut to the prisoner who turns to the camera, his eyebrows raised in disbelief (he IS black). His expression then changes imperceptibly into one of confusion (but he may never be old) .

Cut straight to Scene 3

Scene 3 [15 secs]
Two figures in silhouette watching a monitor that shows the confused condemned man staring out. They are the film's producer and director. The audience is given clues to this by stickers on the Wall saying 'MTV AIDS, stigma and discrimination. Nov 22 deadline, etc]

'It doesn't work'. Sound of a switch being flicked and the lights come on.

The figure who is facing the camera and about to reply bears a strong resemblance to Matt Fraser (thalidomide TV presenter). The one in denial bears a striking resemblence to Hugh Grant.

'No you're wrong it does work.'

'No, it doesn't. It's stupid.'

'Why?'

'Well, there's no death penalty in the UK, is there.' Pause. Camera holds Hugh Grant's face in focus. A fist appears out of nowhere and HG flies to the floor. Thalidomide Man stands astride Hugh's chest making Bruce Lee noises. A gong sounds in the background.

Camera cuts to HG, who looks at camera angrily. A scrap ensues. It's all arms and legs in a big whirl.

[3 second bust of 'everyone was kung fu fighting' and the descending chinese scale that no-one owes the copyright to]

The director's voice sounds out.

'Cut! Cut! Cut! What are you doing? There's nothing in the script about fighting, for God's sake. [As he speaks the camera pans back and the viewer realises that the execution group and the editors are all on a single stage. The other actors drag Hugh and Matt off each other] [Can this be made to look like a scene from 'Fight Club'?]

Scene 4 [20 secs]
We've gone over this a million times. What's this film about?'

The question is put to the ensemble. Hugh Grant says 'About a boy?' Matt look-alike says 'Shagging?' Liz Hurley look-alike holding a baby says 'Not using a condom?' Ensemble looks puzzled... did they just say what I think they just said? The baby that Liz holds cheeps up with 'Bing'

'No, no, no, no, no. It's about understanding and love for your fellow human being triumphing over prejudice and ignorance. Don't let HIV and AIDS ruin his life [points to condemned actor] or yours [points to the mother] by destroying the essence of your humanity'.

'Yeah,' pipes up a guy we haven't noticed before who bears a striking resemblence to Tony Blair, 'and remember, it could be worse. I mean, you know, AIDS could stand for Acquired Ian Duncan Smith. Then you'd be really f***** [beep]' [Instantly his head metamorphosises into that of Ian Duncan Smith (with accompanying horrible sound effects)] 'aargh....'

End